We've all been there. "Driving down the road tryin' to loosen your load with seven women on your mind" when, BAM, you see the blue lights. You look down and see you're driving in excess of the posted speed limit. You pull over. Palms start sweating. Heart rate is pounding. You do a quick sweep of the interior of the car to make sure there are no body parts, etc.
You put your hands on the steering wheel at the 10 and 2 position. Do you get your driver's license and insurance card ready? Should you be fidgeting around in the car with a police officer approaching the car? You get a glimpse of the approaching officer and he looks unpleasant. He's wearing a typical "smedium" size uniform shirt which apparently are all these guys wear. You giggle at the sight but quickly remember the impending speeding ticket you're about to receive. Your insurance rates are going to go up. Plus you'll be paying a fine and court costs. Ugh, is there any way you can talk yourself out of this????
Well, I'm going to give you seven proven ways that people have used to get out of a speeding ticket. Now, keep in mind that police officers don't want to hear excuses or "can you please let me go with a warning" so you won't see those here. Use them if you like but if they don't work, don't blame me!
1. "I'm late for a funeral". A lady was trying to get to her grandfather's funeral and got lost. She was driving around for hours trying to find the place. She panicked when she thought she was going to miss the entire funeral so she started speeding. She was pulled over and explained why she was late. The officer happened to know she was telling the truth because he had actually received the call to go the her grandfather's house when he passed away.
The trick here is to always keep a fake family obituary in your car at all times. Simply print one out each day before work and change the date. It would also help if you dressed in dark colors. Add some Visine to the eyes if you get pulled over for some fake tears. Please note that the tears may not work for male drivers. In fact, such actions may get you ridiculed and/or tasered.
2. Clown Around: Our next story comes from a lady who dresses up as a clown for children's parties. She was dressed in full clown attire when she was stopped for speeding. However, she left her driver's license in her other pants! As the officer approached the car, she leaned out the window and remarked "Why sure officer, you can have a balloon animal!" After the officer composed himself he let her go.
Ok, dressing as a clown every day won't work for most of us and it you do dress as a clown you could be mistaken for a John Wayne Gacy type. (Too soon?) I think the point here is humor can go a long way. Police officers have highly stressful jobs and they encounter people who really don't like them all day. Making them laugh never hurts. But if you're not funny try this funny line: If the officer asks you why you were going so fast simply tell him that your wife/girlfriend/boyfriend left you for a police officer and when you saw the blue lights you were afraid the cop was trying to bring he/she back.
3. "Cop to it." One lady has been pulled over 43 times for speeding but has only been ticketed 4 times. Her secret? She readily admits she was speeding, offers no excuse, and apologizes.
Police officers hear bogus stories all day. If all you did was speed (not a jailable offense in Mississippi) it may not be a bad idea to fall on the sword.
4. "I gotta pee". A lady in Florida was driving home when nature called. She was only a mile from her house so she floored it. She was pulled over and when the officer approached he asked the squirming speeder why she was in such a hurry. The lady was reluctant to say anything but then her 7 year old daughter blurted out "she has to pee! She has to go really bad!" The now blushing Mom admitted that this was true. The officer laughed and let her go.
The moral of the story is bad bladder control can be useful.
5. "I'm contagious". One lady reports that she had a horrible case of bronchitis when she was stopped for speeding. As the officer stood by the window she broke into a violent coughing spell. The officer, clearly a germaphobe, quickly allowed the sick lady to go on her way with a warning and a cough drop.
Keep in mind that if you fake an illness you are likely to be arrested for being stupid.
6. "Citizen's Arrest": One man was pulled over because his rear tag light was out. As the officer explained the reason for the stop, the man looked through his rear view mirror and started chuckling. The officer asked what was so funny. The man replied "you have a headlight out". The officer quickly put away the ticket book and allowed the man to go on his way.
You really have to be careful here. This only works if the officer has a problem with his car. Please don't try to fabricate one by say, busting out the cop's tail light when he's not looking.
7. "Walk This Way": Finally, our last tale comes from a man who was driving down the road jamming to an Aerosmith tune. When the officer asked why he was driving so fast the driver simply responded that you simply can't drive slow when listening to Aerosmith. The officer, apparently an Aerosmith fan, gave the man a warning.
Please be smart here. Always use Classic Rock tunes as the excuse for your speeding even if you weren't listening to one. Never, EVER, under any circumstances should you admit listening to any of the following: Justin Bieber, The Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, PSY or any of their ilk.
Obviously most of this legal advise was given "tongue in cheek". But one thing is clear: officers do not like people who lie or make excuses. Be honest and forthright and try to add in a little humor. Who knows, you could end up with a great story to tell.
To learn more about Chuck Mullins, DUI's and other traffic related crimes, please visit our website.